Summary: The Zuckerbergian digital universe isn’t quite ready yet, but we took an educated guess at what the holidays might look like under the incoming regime.
Original author and publication date: Matthew Cantor – December 24, 2021
Futurizonte Editor’s Note: Is the Metaverse unavoidable? Is it really a nightmare?
From the article:
If you witnessed Mark Zuckerberg’s unveiling of the “Metaverse” this year, you’ll be familiar with his utopian vision: a future in which we abandon our woefully outdated reality in favor of his virtual world. After all, what could be better than surrendering the very concept of observable truth to the man whose service has convinced your aunt that elites want to drink the blood of children?
It all begins on a cozy winter’s evening. Instead of bundling into the car with the family, you simply tap a button on your VR goggles. Instantly, you’re transported to a customized digital environment – perhaps somewhere with a Dickensian flourish, such as a Victorian workhouse, or one of the kooky spots featured in Zuck’s demo video, such as the lifeless blackness of the cosmos.
Everyone is there: Aunt Dakota, Uncle Logan, your cousins Edith and Walter, Grandma and Grandpa. And is that Great-great-Uncle Harry? It is! He died last year, but a little thing like that won’t stop his avatar from showing up. It’s programmed with all his favorite anecdotes and jokes – in fact, it’s so lifelike that as the years go by, you’ll forget entirely which relatives are still actually breathing.
Of course, because everyone’s chosen an avatar, there are no familiar faces.
So you’ll have to make educated guesses about who’s who as you approach giant T-rexes and smiling robots – don’t want to accidentally get stuck making small talk with weird cousin Andrew, who is either that zombie in the corner or the knife-wielding guy in the hockey mask. On the plus side, no one has aged a day since you last saw them.
It’s been a while, so you’ll need an icebreaker. Just as it was last year, the go-to topic is the plight of the “phizzies” – the new underclass that can’t afford Zuck’s goggles and still lives in the physical world. Your progressive relatives bemoan their plight, while your more callous family members have a good chuckle, wondering what it must be like to be left behind in a world where matter is still a thing.